Eyes Open
by savvi1901
Summary: After returning to Pallet Town after many years away, Gary Oak learns devastating news. With this comes memories he tried to forget. Romance, depression, love, hate, and more will happen as Gary tries to help his former rival, Ash, recover. Will they make it through in the end? Palletshipping. Rated T for now, but may change to M with later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Gary Oak woke up from a restless, dreamless sleep abruptly at the sound of a wild Pidgey squawking outside of the single window in the room he currently inhabited. A room that was not his own.

His head was pounding, no doubt due to the hangover he was experiencing after binge drinking the night before. It was not uncommon for Gary to go out until the late hours of night, drinking his cares away and ending up tangled in the sheets of some woman he barely knew. As he looked down onto the one next to him, he couldn't even recall ever seeing her face before, much less could he be bothered to try and remember her name.

While the woman was still blissfully asleep, Gary slinked out of bed. He kept his eyes squinted so as not to have to endure much of the sun pouring into the room through the slits in the blinds, which, even with as little light it was, was still making his headache substantially worse.

His clothes were strewn about the room half-hazardly. His shirt was crumpled next to the bedroom door, his pants somewhere at the foot of the bed. Arceus only knew where his shoes and socks were, most likely in whatever room was outside of the one he occupied. He slipped into the clothes he had at hand quietly.

As Gary opened the door to leave, he spared one more glance at the girl in her bed. She had dark blue hair that was fanned out across her pillow in a messy way, her face scrunched up in an ugly pout that did not appeal to Gary at all. He had never seen her before in his life, could not remember anything they had done together the night before, and hoped that he would never have to see her again.

As was expected, he discovered his shoes and socks outside of the door in a small hallway that led to a larger room of the small house. He put them on, and walked into what he assumed was a living room, where the front door was located. He spotted his leather jacket on the floor next to the door and slipped it on. He opened the door, stepped outside into the bright day, and shut it behind him.

The sun was so bright, which wasn't unusual for Viridian city. However, the hangover the young researcher was sporting caused this to be a curse, rather than a blessing. Gary felt through his jacket pockets for his sunglasses, which he eventually found, and slipped them onto his face. Pushing his messy brown hair out of his eyes, he continued on his way.

Gary had returned to Kanto about a month prior. He took a cruise into the harbor of Vermillion City, spending a few days there reacquainting himself with the town. After checking into a hotel, Gary met up with the Gym Leader, Lieutenant Surge. The two caught up with one another, having maintained somewhat of a friendship after Gary defeated the man in battle many years prior. The two drank away into the night, and unsurprisingly Gary had awoken the next morning with a nameless woman in his arms.

That was the cycle in Gary's life; travel, drink, fuck, and then leave.

Which was why, after five days of copious amounts of booze and women with the Gym leader, Gary left the city.

It took him another two days to reach Saffron, and when he did he did not bother to stop in to talk to Sabrina. He did not particularly like the woman, and had nothing to say to her. Still, he spent about a week doing the same thing he did in the city prior, only without a companion to share in his misery.

When he finally left Saffron, he made his way up route five towards Cerulean City. This took about another two days. It could have taken less, but he found that he was getting winded a lot easier than a few months back, and found himself stopping frequently. At these times, he would let his Pokemon out of their balls, allowing them to stretch, eat, play, and do whatever else they so desired while their trainer rested. Then he would be on his way again.

Gary did not particularly like Misty either, almost as much as he disliked Sabrina. But after the numerous encounters he had with her in the past, along with her previous traveling companions, he felt obliged to stop into the Gym she led to say hello.

This was a failed attempt, however, when one of her sisters informed him that Misty was not at the Gym, and had not been for several weeks.

Gary did not spend any more time in Cerulean City than he needed to. He spent one night in a hotel, alone, and continued on.

The same thing occurred a few days later when he reached Pewter City. He stopped by the Gym to see Brock, only to be told by a younger sibling of the Leader that Brock had been gone for weeks.

Gary could only assume that Brock and Misty were gone for the same reason, however, that reason was not disclosed.

Gary left Pewter as quickly as possible.

It took Gary a little more than four days to travel through Viridian forest, after he had packed a backpack with food and a tent. He let all of his Pokémon roam freely alongside him, the happiest of which was his beloved Umbreon. Every so often she would rub her spine against his calf, chattering out a satisfied '_breon'_ to her trainer.

Then, he was finally back in the town he called home for a while. The town where he held position as Leader for a short few years, before he left Kanto altogether.

Viridian City.

It was here Gary spent the next week and a half, reacquainting himself with his Gym that he left behind years before. The leader who was passed down the title from Gary welcomed him graciously, although the former leader did not much care for the greeting. After exchanging formalities, Oak retreated to his house that lay just down the road from the Gym, untouched from at least two years without use.

Now here he is, a week and a half later, making the walk of shame in his own city. Luckily the town was big enough that he could go by unnoticed by most people if he was careful, and had little chance of running into one of his many one night stands. He would not be here for long, anyways, as today is the day he will finally travel back to his first true home.

Pallet Town.

Returning to Pallet was the young man's main reason for returning to Kanto in the first place. His Grandfather's birthday was fast approaching, and after two years of being away in various regions doing research, Gary could simply not miss another important day with his family. His sister, Daisy, scolded him every time he would miss an event.

"_Gary,"_ Daisy had once said, _"you missed Christmas. Again."_

Gary sighed, knowing this already. He had been in the Unova region doing research on some of the new Pokémon discovered there, and had hardly even found the time to call home, much less travel. However, his work was pertinent to add to his Grandfather's research, so he couldn't be bothered much with feeling sorry. This was all for the elder Oak.

"Daisy, you know how important my work is."

The female Oak sighed. _"Yes, I know."_

That was how most of their conversations went.

The trip to Pallet was quick, taking only a little over a day.

As he approached the all-too-familiar research lab, Gary suddenly felt nauseous. It had been years since he had seen anyone in his family, and no one even knew he was coming today. His return to Pallet was a surprise.

_What if no one is home? What if they aren't happy to see me? What if they don't want me here? What if-_

Gary's thoughts were cut short as he opened the door.

There was no one in the lab, and most of the lights were shut off. _Maybe there is someone upstairs, in Gramp's apartment? _Gary thought to himself.

His thoughts were not fruitful, however, as the door to the elder Oak's living quarters upstairs was locked. He knocked several times, becoming panicked. What if his grandfather was up there hurt, and no one could get to him?

Gary suddenly found himself running. Running to another familiar house, the one that him and his sister occupied by themselves while his parents were gone on business trips so often.

"Daisy!" Gary yelled, banging on the door. "Daisy, open up!"

After minutes of no answer, Gary was running out of options. He ran, as fast as his feet could carry, to another house a little ways down the road.

"Mr. Mime!" Gary yelled, thrilled to finally see some form of life in this town, even if just another Pokemon. He skidded to a halt in front of the creature. "Mr. Mime, is Delia home?"

The Mr. Mime looked up at Gary, halting its sweeping. It was then Gary noticed the look of sadness across the small mime's face, which was deepened as he shook his head 'no.' He then continued sweeping, breaking eye contact.

Delia wasn't here. Daisy wasn't home. Gramp's lab is deserted.

Pallet has become a damn ghost town.

_Where is everybody?_

Pulling out his Pokegear, Gary dialed the number of his sister. It rang for minutes, and just as he was about to hang up, Daisy's face appeared on the tiny screen. Before she even had a chance to greet her brother, he was firing off questions left and right.

"Daisy, where the hell is everybody? I'm here in Pallet-"

"_You're in Pallet? Gary-"_

"-and there is no one here. Literally, no one. What the hell is going on? Is Gramps okay? Did something happen? Is he sick? Why didn't anyone call me if he was sick? I swear to Arceus, Daisy-"

"_Gary!"_ Daisy yelled, finally catching her brother's attention. _"Gary, Grandfather is fine. He's here with me."_

Gary took a sigh of relief, happy to find out his grandfather was okay. "Well, then where are you guys? Where is everyone in pallet? This place is so empty, I swear I saw some tumbleweed rolling by earlier."

"_We're, um-" _Daisy stopped, as though to collect her thoughts for a moment. _"We're all in Saffron City, Gary."_

"Why are you in Saffron? I was just there a few weeks ago-"

"_We've been here on and off for a couple of months. You probably came through while we were here."_

"Daisy," Gary huffed, "_Why_ are you all in Saffron?"

"_We're at the hospital." _Daisy said in a small voice, and Gary's heart dropped into his stomach at her words.

"Daisy, you said Gramps was okay!" Gary scolded, preparing to launch into another rant, until Daisy interrupted him.

"_Gary, it isn't Grandfather! He's fine!"_

"Well, then who the hell is it?!" Gary demanded, tired of his sister's lack of answers.

She sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time in their few minutes of conversation. _"Maybe you should just come."_

"Daisy, it just took me weeks to get here from Vermillion. How am I supposed to get there?"

"_There are tons of Pokemon in the lab. Find a flyer and come on!"_

With that, his sister hung up the phone.

Gary growled in frustration, but did as he was told. He searched through drawers of Pokeballs, eventually finding the one with his name marked. Actually, he had quite a few drawers, as he had taken the phrase _Gotta Catch 'em all_ a little too seriously. He smirked to himself, proud of his fruitful amount of Pokemon at his disposal.

After releasing a few from their balls, he finally found the perfect Pokemon for his flying needs. A large Pidgeot sat before him, squealing out in pure delight at the sight of her trainer. It had been years since Gary traveled with the bird, but the years that they had been together were memorable for the duo. Gary no longer traveled with any flying Pokemon, more interested in observing from the ground, which is why it took him days upon days to get from one place to another.

"Hey, girl," Gary cooed at the Pidgeot, stroking her feathers. After they reacquainted with each other, Pidgeot was more than happy to fly Gary to wherever he needed to go. Since one could only carry six Pokemon at once, Gary left the newly acquired Pansage in the lab with a promise to return for it later.

The trip to Saffron only took a matter of hours by flight, a much smaller span of time than it had taken him to get to Pallet from there in the first place (although, there was a significant lack of… 'Extra-curricular activities' now). Before he knew it, they landed in front of the large hospital nestled inside of the town.

Returning Pidgeot to her ball, Gary rushed inside. He searched frantically around for his sister, Grandfather, or anyone else he knew.

"Gary? Gary Oak?"

Gary spun around to the voice coming from behind him, shocked to see Misty standing there, a look of bewilderment on her face.

"Misty?"

"Gary, you… you actually came?"

"What do you mean? Where is my sister? Who's in the hospital? Daisy wouldn't tell me." Gary rambled and rambled, not noticing the frown making its way across Misty's face.

"You don't know…"

"Know what?"

The red-head sighed, running her fingers through her short hair. It was strange to not see it up in that dumb side-ponytail thing, but Gary had to remind himself it had been years since he saw her. She had to be at least twenty five by now, two years senior to his twenty three. She was older than him, and had no doubt changed a _lot _in the past thirteen years since he started his journey at the age of ten.

_Had it really already been thirteen years?_

Misty's huff of air releasing through her mouth broke Gary from his thoughts. "Follow me," she said, slightly shaking her head and turning away, walking towards an elevator. Gary followed, although he was unsure of what caused his change in attitude.

They traveled up to the fourth floor, where, as soon as the doors opened, Gary spotted his family sitting in a waiting room down the hall.

He found himself running, calling out his sister's name.

Her head snapped up, a smile crossing her face. As soon as the siblings could reach each other they were in a tight embrace. After a moment, Gary pulled away, spotting his grandfather next to them.

Even though Daisy had said he was okay, seeing it for himself was the validation he needed. "Hey, Gramps," were the words that came out of Gary's mouth before he pulled his grandfather into a tight hug. The elder Oak murmured greetings in his grandson's ear, patting his back before they, too, pulled away.

Gary then took the time to scan the room around him. In it were his sister and grandfather, of course, as well as Misty. He was somewhat surprised, as well, to see Delia Ketchum and Brock among the bunch, as well as a few others who he recognized as familiar, but could not place a name. Each person did have one thing in common, though-

They were all casting questioning, judgmental looks upon Gary.

"Gary," Daisy said, grabbing his attention away from his thoughts. "Gary, I have to tell you something."

"Daisy, who are all these people? Who are they here for? Who is in here?"

How Gary had yet to figure it out was a mystery to others, as one key person was obviously missing from the room. As soon as his sister spoke the words, Gary's blood ran cold.

"It's Ash."

Gary hadn't heard the name of, or even thought about, his formal rival in years. The last time the two had spoken was… interesting, to say the least, and Gary often chose not to think about it. But now that he was here, kicking himself in the ass for not figuring out it was Ash sooner, Gary was frozen. Thoughts of their last encounter flooded his mind, a tidal wave of emotion suffocating him. A strangled sob escaped his throat, one of his hands flying up to grab ahold of his neck like that would help somehow. Tears were already welling up in Gary's eyes, although none spilled over. Every person in the room, including Daisy, looked confused at his reaction, but said nothing. No one knew of what had transpired between Gary and Ash five years earlier.

Gary had made sure of it.

"What happened?" Gary finally choked out. He realized that he didn't even know what was wrong with his younger friend before he allowed himself to become emotional. However, the fact that his family, Ash's mom, friends, and more being here, meant that nothing good could be happening to him.

Gary prepared himself for the worst.

"Gary," Daisy began gently, placing a comforting hand on her brother's shoulder. "Gary, Ash…" her voice was full of emotion, tears welling up in her eyes. She cleared her throat. "Gary, a couple of months ago…Ash tried to kill himself."

A sob from Delia, as well as a few sighs of sadness echoed around the room before Gary passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

"_Why did he react that way?"_

"_Him and Ash haven't spoken for years, they aren't even friends…"_

"_Why did he faint?"_

"_Gary? Gary, wake up…"_

Gary could hear all of these voices swirling around him as he slowly regained consciousness. He blinked slowly, squinting at the harsh lights of the waiting room ceiling above him. A dull ache resonated at the back of his skull, most likely where he hit his head while falling.

"Gary!" Daisy exclaimed, sounding so relieved to see her brother come around. "You feeling okay? You were out for a good five minutes."

"…'mfine" Gary mumbled, his statement coming out as a single word. He sat up slowly, rubbing the back of his head as he did so. He winced as he felt a small bump there, though he knew nothing bad would come of it.

"Are you sure?" Daisy continued to question, her sisterly worry getting the better of her.

Gary huffed in annoyance. "Yeah, Dais, I'm fine. Promise.

The older Oak sibling sighed in defeat, but a grimace still covered her face even after the subject was dropped.

"Gary," he turned his head to see Misty's equally as worried face, although he was unsure as to why she was. The two never even got along. "Why did you faint?"

Gary scrubbed both hands up and down his face, shaking his head slightly after to clear it.

How was he supposed to answer that question? How was it possible for him to give an answer that no one would question, without giving away the past him and Ash shared all those years ago? He himself had spent years moving from bed to bed, woman to woman in order to erase the man from his memory. He was often busy enough with his research out in Unova, or his fossil hunting in Johto, but that was all during the day. It was at night when his thoughts and memories would plague him, and after months of sleepless nights when he first left Kanto, he needed something to fill the void that was Ash Ketchum.

Snapping back to reality, Gary scrambled for an answer to the question that he had left unanswered for a conspicuous amount of time.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Gary let out a nervous laugh. "You know how it is, traveling all the time. I've been going for weeks without stopping, hardly been eating. The news just shocked me a little is all, mixed with the lack of food and water, I guess I just got dizzy or something. No worries." The lie slipped easily enough off of his tongue, yet even he himself could see he was lying about _something,_ but his answer seemed to appease his sister as well as a few others listening in to the conversation. The only people who didn't look wholly convinced were Misty, who was always skeptical when it came to Gary anyways, and a reluctant Brock, whom Gary could see sitting in a white plastic chair a few feet behind the red-head.

Gary knew the old trio used to be close, but he wasn't sure how much Ash would or would not have told them during their time together. The last time Gary encountered them was when they were all in Sinnoh, at the Pokémon League. (It was just shy of Ash's eighteenth birthday, which would make the trainer how old… twenty-one, now? Twenty-two? Gary wasn't sure.) Gary had dropped out of the competition early without telling anyone, opting out of competing, for he lost the drive he needed in order to continue. He had a research opportunity with his Grandfather's lab, and wanted to take it. Going from League to League was a daunting feat at best, and he couldn't find it in himself to continue when his spirit wasn't in it, unlike his slightly younger, black haired friend.

Gary could remember his last encounter with the Ketchum boy perfectly, as it still plagued the back of his eyelids at night.

"_Gary, where are you going?"_

_Oak stopped in his tracks, the voice one he was so familiar with, yet was so dreading hearing at the moment. He turned around, his bright blues meeting Ash's brown._

_It was the middle of the night, and Gary had been sure everyone was asleep. He tried to slip out of the room him and the other male had secretly been sharing that night, as they had so many times before, unnoticed. He had left a note explaining his absence, which he could see now the younger trainer saw right through, as he was clutching it between his fingers numbly._

"_Ash, get back inside," Gary scolded the other trainer. "It's cold out here, and you're in your pajamas still."_

_He could see just how cold Ash was, his thin legs shaking in the moonlight, with only a thin pair of green pajama shorts covering them. Even if Gary was currently skipping out on his companion, he still cared, and didn't want Ash to get sick._

_Ash wasn't going to budge though. "Gary, answer me."_

_Gary sighed. He didn't want things to end like this, of course not. He cared about the other boy deeply, of course he did. But he couldn't do it anymore, this life he was living. He had to get out._

"_Ash, this isn't about you-" Gary started, but Ash cut him off before he could continue._

"_Then what the hell is about, Gary? Because this piece of shit note you left me says otherwise. Trying to let me down easy?"_

_Gary hated it when Ash cursed at him. It hadn't been the first time, but would hopefully be the last, if Gary could help it._

"_Ash, I just can't do this anymore!" Gary yelled out in exasperation. "This going from league to league, it's just not satisfying anymore. I need to do more. I need to get out."_

"_Why couldn't you just tell me that?" Ash pleaded, stepping closer to his partner. "We could have talked about it, I would have understood-"_

"_No you wouldn't have, Ash." Gary snapped at him. "You would have told me to stay, that I was being silly. I know you, Ash. I know what you would have said. I can't stay here. I can't keep doing this."_

_Ash couldn't really defend himself in this case. He knew Gary was right, that's exactly what he would have told the older trainer. He also knows that Gary would have stayed if he had asked- stayed for him, if nothing else._

"_Where are you going to go?" Ash questioned, his voice sounding smaller, quieter- more vulnerable._

_Gary scratched the back of his head, averting his eyes from Ash's gaze._

"_Gramps has a research position open for me in Hoenn, so I'm gonna go there for a little while, I think. Not sure about after that."_

"_When will I see you again?"_

_Gary was surprised at how easily Ash was giving into his request to leave. He had figured the boy would fight, argue until he was blue in the face, for Gary to stay with him, to not leave him._

"_I'm-" Gary coughed, clearing his throat. Why was he suddenly nervous? "I'm not sure, Ash. Few months, maybe." _

_Gary knew he wouldn't see the boy in a few months. If he had his way, he would never see him again. He could never say that, though. It would hurt the other too badly, given their history together._

_Ash released a shuttered breath, a pale white cloud escaping his mouth due to the cold. "Okay, I guess- okay." He dropped his head in defeat, clearly not going to argue any further, much to Gary's surprise._

"_Then, I guess-" Gary began to speak, but was cut off yet again._

"_Can I at least have a hug? A proper goodbye?" Ash raised his eyes to meet Gary's, and unfortunately they were filled with tears. This pulled at Gary's heartstrings, but of course, he couldn't let that show. "Can I have more than this fucking note you left me? After everything, don't I deserve at least that?"_

_Gary knew that Ash did deserve that- he deserved so much more than that. He would give Ash the entire world if he could- but he can't, so this will have to do. _

_Without responding, Gary stepped forward with his arms open, beckoning the younger boy into his arms. Ash practically sprinted the small distance between them, breaking out into sobs against Gary's neck. His shoulder was instantly drenched in tears, but he didn't have it in him to care. _

_Normally this amount of emotion made Gary uncomfortable, but he expected it with Ash. This is what he was trying to avoid by leaving in the middle of the night, but if it meant being able to hold the boy one more time, he would endure it._

_The two broke apart some time later. Ash tried desperately to make eye contact with his former (current?) rival, but Gary wouldn't have it._

_Gary stepped away from Ash, his head hanging low once again. He whispered a quiet "Goodbye, Ashy-boy," turned around, and left into the forest._

The memory still haunts Gary to this day. It lives in his mind as a constant reminder of what he lost- no, what he gave up. He's never been able to bring himself to regret his decision, though. At least- well, at least not until now.

Realizing he was still on the ground, Gary shooed away the people crouching around him. He stood up, dusting off his jeans, and glanced around once more at the people around him. His grandfather was nestled in a chair on the opposite side of the room, looking both relieved to see his grandson, and sad for the event of their meeting. Gary can't imagine the stress this has put on all of these people, much less his Gramps, who loved Ash almost as if he was his own grandson, much to Gary's chagrin.

Gary sat in the chair next to the elder Oak's, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "How ya holdin up, Gramps?"

Samuel Oak sighed, giving his grandson a meaningful look that Gary couldn't quite understand. "I've been better, Gary, but I'm fine. How are you? What brought you back to Kanto so soon?"

"Mostly for your birthday," he said honestly, "but, also, because I just finished with the research in Unova on those new Pokémon, and I wanted to take a break from travelling. I've been in Kanto for almost two months now."

"I wish you would have let us know you were in sooner," his grandfather smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. "We could have stopped you from going so far."

Gary shrugged, his eyes scanning the room once more. He locked eyes with Brock once more, the same judgmental look upon his face as he eyed Gary. "I couldn't have known what I was coming back to. I wanted to surprise you."

Professor Oak nodded, but said nothing further.

"Gary?" He looked up at the sound of his name, surprised to see Delia Ketchum standing in front of him now.

"Yes ma'am?" Gary asked. He may not be the most polite or courteous, but when it came to Delia Ketchum, he couldn't say a cross word about or towards her.

"Would you like to see him?"

A/N: WOW OKAY I am so sorry that this took so long to update. This chapter didn't warrant a 37 day wait, especially when it's significantly shorter than the first. Thank you to those who reviewed though, and left such kind words towards the first chapter. I'm in college so finding time to write is hard but I think I've found a way to make it work, so we'll see.

So, there we have it. A little more is explained about Ash and Gary's relationship. Bits and pieces of it will be revealed throughout the story, mostly in flashbacks or conversations. I'm still deciding what direction I want this story to go in, as it has no definite plot line yet.

If you want to yell at me to update, you can find me on twitter s4v4nn4h_

Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Black hair lay splayed across a sickeningly white pillow case, one that matched the stiff bed sheets that encompassed his tiny, frail body. He was scarily small, the effects of the coma having an obvious toll on him. There was a breathing tube sticking out of his mouth, and, as disgusting as it was, a feeding tube in his throat. Ash's cheeks were sunken in, and his eyelids were a deep purple color.

Despite all of these things, Gary still thought he was beautiful.

It was then that Gary took notice of the tiny, yellow ball curled up in the center of the bed, atop Ash's legs. Poor Pikachu had probably been through so much during the last couple of months, wondering desperately why his trainer wouldn't wake up. As much as Gary hated the little rat, the thought made him sad.

Gary walked over to the bedside from his position by the door, looking down at the unconscious figure in front of him. He wasn't sure when Delia had left the room, or why, but he was grateful. He needed privacy for the time being, as his thoughts and memories with the boy in front of him seemed to resurface all in an instant. Everything that Gary had worked months to repress had suddenly come rushing back to the front of his mind.

"_Gary, come on!"_

"_No, Ash!" Gary yelled in frustration. The two were standing together behind a Pokemon center, the one available for the league competition they were both currently signed up to participate in. It was the day before competition started._

"_Gary, please! It would be so much fun!"_

_Gary scoffed, pushing his overgrown bangs out of his eyes. "What on Earth would make you say that I would have fun traveling with you and your friends after this competition? I could think of a thousand things I would rather do."_

_Ash rolled his eyes. "Come on, Gary, it wouldn't be that bad."_

_Gary placed a finger on his chin, as if deep in thought. "I would rather be chased by an angry horde of Beedrills than travel with you and your friends."_

_Ash blinked. "What?"_

"_I would rather," Gary continued, his face lighting up as he continued to think of more ridiculous things to say, "have to hug a Grimer every day for the rest of my life than travel with you and your friends."_

"_Gary, what-"_

"_I would rather have a Ryhorn pierce my ears with its horn than travel with you and your friends! I would rather only have a Magikarp to use in battle for the rest of my life than travel with you and your friends! I would rather-"_

"_Okay!" Ash yelled, his face contorted in a mix between anger and sadness. "I get it, Gary! You don't want to come with me and my friends! I get it, now stop talking!" The younger trainer stomped away, his hands balled into fists and his ears turning red._

_Gary sighed, having the urge to go after Ash, but not having the energy to._

Gary wonders every day what would have been different if he had decided to go with Ash.

The constant _beep beep beep_ of the machines comforted Gary in a strange way, despite it being as annoying as it was. It gave him some sign of life in Ash, even if it was artificial.

After staring at the unmoving boy for another ten minutes or so, Gary had had enough. The memories rattling around in his mind were too much for him to bare, as they brought him more pain than they did happiness.

Gary made his way outside of the room and out of the nearest exit, trying as hard as he could to avoid being spotted by anyone else who was here for Ash so they wouldn't ask him questions. Gary couldn't help but wonder how everyone in that waiting room was able to be here so seemingly often. _Do they come here every day? _Gary wondered in his head. _Are they staying nearby, in a hotel? Ash has been in his coma for two months, don't they have jobs?_

Stepping outside into the cool night air, Gary pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his back pocket, along with a lighter. Lighting the cancer stick, he inhaled, breathing the smoke into his lungs to calm his nerves down. Seeing Ash had him all shaken up, and his hands were trembling slightly as he pulled the cigarette away from his lips and exhaling slowly.

After the last time Gary saw Ash, he never once dreamed that this would be how he would find the younger trainer.

"Oak," a chilling voice said from behind Gary. He turned around quickly, shocked to see Brock standing there. Gary wiped the look off of his face quickly, but Brock still took notice.

Rolling his eyes, Gary turned back around. "Yeah?"

Brock stepped forward, coming to stand beside the younger man.

"Can I bum a smoke?" Brock asked, and the look of shock made a reappearance on Gary's face.

"Sure…" Gary said, pulling the pack back out and handing a cigarette to Brock. He offered up his lighter as well, which Brock took gratefully. "I didn't think you smoked."

Brock laughed on an exhale, smoke billowing out of his mouth and nostrils. "It's a recent habit. A lot has changed around here."

"I can tell," Gary muttered, kicking at the dirt at his feet.

After several uncomfortable moments of silence, Brock spoke up again.

"Why didn't you come sooner?"

"What?" Gary asked, though he heard Brock perfectly clear. _Is he seriously asking me this right now?_

"You heard me," Brock reiterated, a look of annoyance crossing his features. "What took you so long to get here? Why didn't you come for him sooner? This is your fault, after all."

"My fault?" Gary couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How is the twerp trying to off himself my fault? I haven't seen him in years! And besides, I didn't even know he was in the damn coma until I came home today to see my grandfather!"

"How could this not be your fault?!" Brock yelled, disregarding most of what Gary said. "He needed you! You were everything to him, for some god damn reason, and _you _left him! All that time ago, you left him!"

Gary pulled at his hair, not believing what he was hearing. "What are you talking about? I don't know what you're saying!"

"Don't play dumb!" Brock screamed, inching closer to Gary with every word he said. "How stupid did you two think Misty and I were? Sure you guys got away with it for a while, but did you think we would never figure it out?!"

"Figure what out!" Gary yelled, his voice braking at the end of his sentence. _How could they have figured it out?!_

"Every time we would see you, Ash's face would light up like Christmas morning! He would sneak out of his room at night when he thought we were asleep, and sneak back in before we woke up. He would mope around for days whenever you two weren't in the same place, it all added up Gary!"

"Stop it!" Gary couldn't take much more of this.

"He loved you Gary, and you left him! He took whatever scraps you gave him for years and years, and when he finally had the courage to ask you for more, you ran. You didn't love him at all did you?!"

"STOP!" The younger trainer screamed. Instead of standing there and taking more abuse from the Gym Leader, Gary turned around and made a run for it. Brock yelled for him to stop, but Gary wouldn't listen.

Gary ran and ran and ran, until he reached a place he had been before, though for a short amount of time.

Walking into the pub, Gary sat at the bar, ordering three shots and downing them all as soon as they were placed in front of him. He ordered a few more, though he took his time devouring them.

It was a while later when a gravelly voice spoke in his ear, asking for him to accompany her to her hotel room. Gary knew it wasn't a good idea, but the alcohol he had consumed made up his mind for him.

Thus, during the next few alcohol dazed, passionate hours, Ash was completely wiped from Gary's mind.


	4. Chapter 4

The first thing Gary registered when he woke up the next morning was how badly his head was hurting. This hangover was particularly painful, especially in comparison to those he had previously experienced.

"Fuck…" Gary groaned, rubbing at his forehead to try and ease some of the tension. It was one of those headaches that pounded, a throbbing pain over and over again that just _wouldn't. go. away. _

It was then that he then took notice to the weight on his chest, looking down to see a girl's head resting there. _Great. _She was still asleep thankfully, her breath coming out in small huffs against his skin. Gary carefully maneuvered his way out from underneath her, being cautious of noisy bed springs and creaking floorboards as he stood up to gather his belongings. He was used to this song and dance, having performed it many times before. Although he didn't particularly enjoy any of it anymore, it was almost routine by now to bury his feelings into another and lose himself for a night. It was unclear, even to Gary, as to why he acted this way. Perhaps it was to fill a void, or perhaps it was to forget.

To forget _someone._

Possibly.

Maybe.

Probably not.

_Maybe. _

After managing to dress himself without making so much as a peep, somehow, Gary made his way outside of the strange, unfamiliar building he was currently occupying. As soon as he was outside and at least a few blocks away from the house, he pulled out his phone, gritting his teeth in regret as he noticed 23 missed calls, 6 text messages, and 2 voicemails. Sighing to himself, Gary stashed his phone away for now, deciding to search for a hotel to take refuge in while he was in this town he didn't particularly want to inhabit anymore.

After searching for a while, he stumbled upon a small hole in the wall Inn on the outskirts of town that was cheap enough for him to sleep in after he roamed about the city. He took a shower, washing off the night before and the memories he was trying to erase. After he got out, he dried himself off and redressed in the same clothes as the previous day. When you travelled for a living, you got used to wearing the same clothes over and over again, as having the ability to wash clothes was few and far between.

He rifled through his pockets, digging out his poke balls and plucking out one in particular. Umbreon mewled once she was released from her spherical prison, as she hated being cooped up in a ball, much like that annoying yellow rat of Ash's. She rubbed her head against Gary's knees, darting between his legs over and over again as she did so. Gary pet her head, listening to her purring for a few moments before he walked over to the bed. Umbreon followed closely behind, jumping atop the comforter and nestling herself on top of one of the old, squashed pillows. Gary sat on the edge, taking his phone from the night stand and looking through all of the messages he had received in the last, what… 12 hours, maybe? He didn't really know what time he left the hospital after arguing with Brock.

Out of all the calls he received, most were from his sister. He assumed she was probably just worried since he never came back inside the hospital. He had assumed Brock would have informed everyone of what happened between the two outside, but he couldn't be too sure. Now Gary had even more guilt weighing on his shoulders as he wondered if his sister was worried about him or not. He brushed it off though, as he had gone months- years, even- without seeing his sister without so much as a phone call from the elder Oak sibling.

The text messages were another story. While one was from his sister asking where he was, the rest were surprisingly from Misty.

_Where did you go?_

_Brock told me you left, what the hell Gary?_

_We need to talk._

_Seriously, Gary text me back._

_Please, Gary, I know you care about him._

The last one hurt, as the _him _she was talking about was currently lying unconscious in a hospital bed. Despite how much Gary had once cared for the younger boy- still cared, maybe, _maybe- _it was hard for him to admit it.

He decided that, as much as he didn't want to, he would talk to Misty, because what else could he do? He wasn't going to leave the city, as much as he really wanted to.

An hour after sending a text to the red-head, a faint knock was heard at the door of his hotel room. He stood up from the bed, nervously wiping his sweaty palms down the front of his pants. He suddenly felt very nervous, his sweater becoming just a little too tight for his liking. He tugged at his collar while he walked to the door, then opened it, revealing Misty on the other side. Her hair was down dirty, and she had bags under her eyes that revealed how little sleep she had gotten last night- maybe in a long time.

"Hey…" Gary greeted her, feeling very awkward and uncomfortable. He gestured for her to come inside. Misty wrinkled her nose at the room as she stepped in, glancing around at the tattered wallpaper and questionable stains on the bed.

"Hey, Gary." Her voice was quiet, almost timid. But Gary had had enough interactions with the girl in the past to know she was never timid, never quiet, and would most likely end up yelling.

Oh well, he could take it.

_Maybe._

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Gary asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed in as casual of a gesture he could manage.

Misty cleared her throat, looking as though she wasn't sure where to start, or maybe even what to say.

Gary was just about to tell her to spit it out when she spoke.

"He was so in love with you, you know."

Gary's breath caught in his throat, his chest suddenly becoming tight. He pursed his lips into a straight line, his eyebrows scrunching together.

"I know you and Ash thought you were so slick and secretive, but you weren't." She crossed her arms over her chest, taking a moment to think about her next words before she continued. "He was always sneaking off whenever we were in the same city as you, sending you messages, looking at pictures of you on his phone. He was always a little naïve, I guess, so he never knew that we knew. But we did. Brock and I both knew."

"I'm surprised you didn't try and stop him, you both always hated me," Gary spat bitterly, not even realizing this was how he felt until he spoke the words. This was also the first time he had really acknowledged out loud that him and the younger trained had a _thing,_ which shocked Gary and Misty both.

"We hated what you did to him." She said. Gary gave her a pointed look, which told her to elaborate. "He was always so caught up in you, wanting to see you and sneak off to be with you, and every time you would just dump him when it was convenient for you."

Gary swallowed the saliva building up in his mouth, looking down at the ground, embarrassed. He knew how he treated the younger boy wasn't always right, but is that really what happened? Did Ash and his friends really think Gary didn't care for him?

"I can remember the first time we figured out what was happening with you two," She said, catching Gary off guard. Was she really telling him a story? "He had snuck off a few times before, we figured he was just taking some alone time. When you constantly travel together, it's hard to find any solitude. So we never really questioned him whenever he would sneak off."

"What changed?" Gary found himself questioning.

Misty smirked at Gary, though it was a small gesture. "He came back the next morning with a hickey on his neck."

Gary winced, not expecting that answer at all.

"We questioned him for hours," Misty continued, ignoring the look on Gary's face. "He kept making all these excuses; Pikachu electrocuted him, Venasaur's vinewhip had gone awry, someone thought he was a Pokemon and threw a ball at him to try and catch him. He was never good at lying."

"You've got that right…" Gary muttered.

Misty rolled her eyes, but continued, nonetheless. "While he was distracted, so concerned with making up excuses, Brock had managed to snag his phone. He saw messages between you two and the pieces clicked. It really wasn't difficult to figure out once all of the evidence was put right in front of us."

Gary sighed, not really wanting her to go on. His chest was aching, but she just kept talking.

"We did tell him to stay away from you, actually." Gary scowled at her, though he couldn't blame her for doing so. "We kept saying that you two were supposed to be rivals, not boyfriends. You two always hated each other, and there was no way things would work out. And you know what he said?"

Gary shrugged, no longer looking at the girl standing before him.

"He said, 'You guys don't know him like I do. I think I love him."

The pressure in Gary's chest suddenly felt ten times heavier, leaving him breathless. His eyes welled with tears, and he tried hard to make sure they didn't fall. He didn't want Misty to see how much her words cut into him.

"We couldn't believe what we were hearing. We called him crazy, and even forcefully kept him away from you. That lasted for all of about two days, though. Ash may be a bad liar, but when he wanted something, he was determined, and for some reason he wanted you," Misty finished, scoffing as she finished her words. "You didn't deserve him."

Gary stood up abruptly, pointing an accusing finger at Misty. "You don't know a thing about me!" He yelled, "You don't know shit about what happened between me and Ash, so don't act like you're some expert!"

Misty puffed up her chest, putting her face closer to Gary's. She wasn't going to back down from him. "I know you didn't care about him! You didn't love him, you just-"

"The hell I didn't love him! I loved him more than anything! Stop acting like you know shit about my feelings or what happened between us! I was _in love _with him!" By now the tears he had tried so hard to hold back were falling freely, dripping down his cheeks and onto his shirt. Gary wiped at his face furiously, trying to tame the traitorous tears to no avail. "Fuck!" he yelled, walking across the room, kicking a small desk chair nestled in the corner of the room. He remained facing away from Misty, not wanting her to see all of the emotions he was currently exhibiting.

He had never spoken to anyone about his feelings for Ash, and now here he was, pouring them all out at once to someone who he never thought he would be speaking to again, much less _this. _

After a minute or two passed in silence, and Gary finally had his tears and breathing under control, Misty spoke.

"Why did you leave him, then? He was devastated. He wouldn't speak to me or Brock for a week. If you loved him so much, why did you break him?" Her voice wavered a bit, her voice sounding choked with emotion.

Gary licked his lips, thinking about what he was going to say. Should he tell her the truth? He had already revealed so much more than he ever thought he would.

He decided to tell her as much of the truth as she needed. "He deserved better than me."

"What?" She asked, "The great Gary Oak thought he wasn't good enough for someone? I'm surprised it wasn't the other way around." She was being sarcastic, Gary knew, but she wasn't wrong. Gary knew he was a jerk, so why would anyone expect any less?

"I deserved that." He said, running his hands though his hair and sighing before he continued. "Misty, this is hard okay? I've never talked to anyone about Ash before, and I never planned on it, so I don't know what you expect from me-"

"Just the truth, Gary," She said, her eyes actually looking like they were full of concern. "I just want the truth. Ash is my best friend and he was so destroyed when you left him."

Gary shut his eyes for a moment, feeling guilt stab at his heart again. All of these emotions hitting him at once were becoming painful, and it was taking a lot of his control to not either throw Misty out of the room, or break down sobbing into the dirty carpet.

"He deserved better," Gary said again, "he deserved better than some asshole who made him sneak around because he was scared of his own feelings. He deserved better than someone who wouldn't be seen with him in public unless it was to battle. He deserved someone who would proudly hold his hand in front of the world and not be scared of the repercussions. He deserved someone who would tell him how important he was, and how much he was loved, more than a handful of times, only when it was convenient. I know I didn't treat him right, Misty, and he deserved better, so I left him."

He spared a glance at Misty, his frown deepening when she saw the tears in her eyes. "Come on, Misty, don't cry, I was just trying to do what was right-"

She shook her head, interrupting his words. "I get what you're saying Gary. I get why you did it. But you should have tried. If you loved him, you should have tried to be better. But instead you left him, and went traveling around, having sex with a bunch of girls-" Gary visibly winced at her words, but she continued, ignoring him, "- and living your life like he didn't exist. He was crushed, and you were on top of the world."

"Stop making me feel worse than I do!" Gary said, his voice rising as his anger reappeared. "Look, I was a dumb kid, who was scared to be in love and scared of his sexuality! I was scared so I ran, but I wanted what was best for him too! But none of this matters now. We're sitting here arguing while Ash is lying half dead in a hospital bed! It doesn't matter what happened years ago- someone we both love is sick!"

"So now, just because he's in the hospital, you think you can come back into his life? He doesn't need you, Gary! You need to leave-"

Misty was cut off by the sound of her phone going off. She cursed, pulling it out of her back pocket and fumbling with it for a minute. Gary watched as her face went from annoyed to surprised, to simply shocked all in the span of a few seconds.

"What is it?" Gary asked. Misty stayed silent, and simply held her phone up for Gary to see, her hand shaking as she did so.

He grabbed the phone from her palm, shaking his head as he read the message. All of the breath seemed to be sucked out of his body as he read the two words on the screen.

_He's awake!_

A/N: I'm trash! Wow I'm so sorry I haven't updated this fic in literally months. Life has been super hectic for a while, and honestly it was hard to find the time or motivation to write anything. But here I am! I'm a sophomore in college with a heavy course load, but I actually had a lot of free time this weekend and was feeling inspired.

I have no definite storyline or plan for this story, I'm kind of just winging it as I go along. I don't think it will be a terribly long story, either, but who knows! Please leave a review telling me what you think of this chapter, and what sorts of things you would like to see happen. Since I have no definite storyline in mind I might be able to fit in a few suggestions

I have another idea for a Pokemon fic that I reaaaallly want to do, but since I'm so awful at updating I don't want to start anything when I can't even seem to update this story more than once every few months Anyways, I'll see you all in the next chapter (whenever it may be!)


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